Telling someone you like like them can be a sweat-inducing, nerve-wracking experience. Thankfully, modern technology has made it easier with the invention of texting. Not having to be face-to-face can make the whole process less stressful – no need to serenade someone under a balcony, or write them a sonnet (unless you really want to).
But that doesn’t mean you can jump into a text with eggplant and fire emojis a-blazing. Here are a few things to keep in mind before, during and after texting your future boo, as well as a few ways to tell someone you like them over text.
Should I tell someone I like them over text?
First off, just because you can text someone you like them over text, doesn’t necessarily mean you should. While it can make the whole process easier, sometimes it’s best to share intimate feelings in person. Doing it over text might come across a little impersonal and less romantic.
However, sometimes texting is the right move if you know you can’t meet in-person, if you’re afraid you might get too nervous to go through with your confession or simply to collect all of your thoughts. Only you can decide if it’s the right medium based on your relationship with your potential pookie.
How to text someone you like
Now that you’ve decided whether to tell someone you like them over text, here are a few things to keep in mind.
- Don’t overthink it
Again, there’s no need to write a sonnet or serenade. Telling someone you like them isn’t rocket science…unless they work for NASA. Then you might want to throw in some rocket science. But overall, don’t overthink it and just write what comes naturally to you and feels authentic to your feelings.
- Make sure you’re texting the right number
Don’t accidentally confess to your coworker or your mechanic (unless you’re into one of them). Double-check you’re sending your text to the right person before you let the feelings flow.
- Be aware of your text’s tone… or lack thereof
Don’t speak to this person as if you’re applying for the job of new boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. There’s no need to be super formal about it. Equally, don’t be sarcastic or joke-y to the point where it doesn’t even sound like you’re confessing to them. Try to strike the tone you usually use when speaking with them IRL.
- Brush up on texting etiquette
Whether it’s keeping texts short and sweet or avoiding a “K,” there are a few texting etiquette rules you should keep in mind before you hit up your crush.
- Read before sending
Before you hit send, read through your text to see if you made any typos, if the right tone is coming through and if you’ve said everything you’ve wanted to say. You might even want to read it out loud to really see how it sounds to someone else.
- Just send it
Once you’re ready, don’t hesitate. Hit send before you start overthinking it again and doubting yourself.
- Go do something else
Once your text is floating in the digital ether, it can be tempting to recall it, or type “jk” or imagine the person rejecting you in a thousand different, embarrassing ways. But you have to be patient. Put your phone away and go do something else as you wait for their reply. Preferably that “something else” does not involve your phone or watching romantic comedies.
- Be open to any outcome
Maybe they text you back and say they’ve secretly been in love with you forever. Maybe they text you back and say “ew”. Whatever the outcome, you have to be open to whatever happens, because you can’t be a match for everyone. So whether the outcome is bad or good, take it as a learning experience. What’s Mint to be, will be.
What to say to your crush over text
You know you want to send a text. You know how to do it. But what the fox do you say to this person? Figuring out how to flirt over text may seem daunting, but here are a few potential openers.
- Ask about their interests
This should be a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised. Ask this person what they like to do: do they like collecting vintage dolls? Do they enjoy polishing their coin collection? Do they watch hours of reality TV every night? That’ll give you plenty of topics to springboard off and the potential for you to connect over shared interests.
- Ask about their day
Whether they just got off work or school, asking about their day is an easy opener for most people. Let them vent if they’ve had a bad one or ask them about the great things that happened to them throughout the day if they had a good one.
- Bring up a shared experience
If you know this person well enough, why not bring up a shared experience? Maybe you went to the same concert recently and can send a video from the show, or maybe a photo popped up in your memories from a day you spent together that you can share with them. Maybe you’re both on Mint and we just dropped an absolutely hilarious commercial you want to laugh at together… okay, maybe not that last one. But shared experiences are a great topic of conversation.
- Bring up something they shared in the past
Did they mention their love of Keanu Reeves’ oeuvre once upon a time? Let ‘em know the local theater is doing a special screening of The Lake House (and maybe invite them along). Bringing up something they shared in the past can be a great conversation topic and show them that you’ve actually been paying attention to what they say and enjoy.
- Ask leading questions
Don’t give them “yes” or “no” as an option. Ask questions that lead to longer answers, like “hey, how good does the new season of The Bachelor look? Do you think he’ll end up with that one blonde girl, or that other blonde girl?” This helps keep the conversation going until you’re ready to invite them out or confess your feelings.
- Compliment them
Did they post a delicious-looking lasagna on Instagram? Did they just run their first marathon? Did they get a new haircut? If you like this person, you probably have tons you can compliment them on.
- Invite them to an activity
Whether you’re heading to the beach, the park or a French New Wave movie marathon, why not shoot them an invite? The ultimate goal of texting this person is to get to know them better and meeting up IRL is always best.
- Be direct
Don’t beat around the bush. Make your intentions clear when it comes to your questions and replies and especially if you decide to ask them out. There’s no reason to play games and act uninterested.
What to avoid when texting your crush
We’ve told you what to text your crush. We’ve told you how to tell someone you like them over text. Now here’s what not to do when you communicate with your crush.
- Don’t be impatient if they don’t respond right away
As we said earlier, once you tell them you like them, give them some time to respond. They’re probably going through the same process you did when you confessed to them and need time to collect their thoughts or run it by the group chat. Or maybe they’re just super busy that day.
- Don’t double text
This goes with the advice above. They may be away from their phone, or at work, or maybe they’re listening to Frank Ocean and working through their feelings. Whatever they’re doing, don’t rush them by double texting.
- Don’t text them in the middle of the night
There are certain “u up?” connotations to texting your crush in the middle of the night. But beyond the implications, you might also wake them up or annoy them while they’re unwinding from the day.
- Don’t press them if they don’t seem interested
Did they respond and seem less-than-enthusiastic? Don’t push it. Maybe they’re not interested — and that’s totally okay. There are plenty of enthusiastic fish in the sea waiting for you.
- Accept a “no” gracefully
Maybe they don’t want to go see that French New Wave movie. Maybe they’re seeing someone. Whatever the reason, accept a “no” gracefully and move on.
Hopefully it’s Mint to be…
Now that you know different ways to tell someone you like them over text and have learned a few things to say to your crush over text, we hope all of this advice works out and one day we’ll see the two of you form a Mint Family together. But remember: you know your crush better than we do, and just like with wireless, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to true love.